we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
