I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
