How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
