I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
