saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He better not be in your backpack
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
