My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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