So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
