Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
