i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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