i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
