Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
