I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
