3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
