Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
