my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
