shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
