I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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