wake up i wanna do it froggy style
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
