This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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