wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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