the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
