I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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