Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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