you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Im part way to drunk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
