we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
