Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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