no, he came in my armpit
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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