i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
