I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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