The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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