You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
third nipple confirmed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
