why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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