Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
