now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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