I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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