why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
