No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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