your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
