i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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