after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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