i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
zippers are such a cool invention
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
