If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I see more hoeing in ur future
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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