took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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