She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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