2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
