:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
