I heard we made out
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
