I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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