So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
