im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
