You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
