pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
