she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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