just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
