Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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